Through the Phog
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How the Zodiac changes affect the Jayhawks

By Editorial Staff

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Over time, the Earth’s alignment and has changed. This week, so did the Zodiac calendar. There was even a thirteenth sign, Ophiuchus, added to the calendar to reflect the changes in the night sky from 2500 or so years ago, when the astrological calendar was first ordained. Since no new days were added to our calendar, all of the other zodiac critters had to be shifted to make way for this new unpronounceable sign, and realign the others to match the night time sky. On January 11, the new calendar was announced, changing the astrological signs for most of the Jayhawks players a day before their non-conference opener with Iowa State.

In a massive exodus at the guard position, Josh Selby, Tyshawn Taylor and Tyrell Reed have all gone from being Aries last week to Pisces this week. According to such reputable sources as Astrology-online.com, this represents a fundamental change in the personalities of these players.

"Aries subjects are courageous leaders with a genuine concern for those they command, being responsible people, it is rare that they will use their subordinates to obtain their own objectives as leaders, but occasionally it does happen. They do not make very good followers because they are too “take charge”. They may be unwilling to obey or submit to directions for which they can see no reason, or with which they disagree. They are much concerned with self, both positively and negatively – self-reliant but also self centered (sometimes) and concerned with their own personal advancement and physical satisfaction. Their immense energy makes them aggressive and restless, argumentative occasionally, headstrong, quick tempered, easily offended and capable of holding grudges if they feel themselves affronted."

Instead of a backcourt filled with energetic self-centered leaders, Bill Self now has a different set of circumstances to contend with.

"Pisceans possess a gentle, patient, malleable nature. They have many generous qualities and are friendly, good natured, kind and compassionate, sensitive to the feelings of those around them, and respond with the utmost sympathy and tact to any suffering they encounter. They are deservedly popular with all kinds of people, partly because their easygoing, affectionate, submissive natures offer no threat or challenge to stronger and more exuberant characters. They accept the people around them and the circumstances in which they find themselves rather than trying to adapt them to suit themselves, and they patiently wait for problems to sort themselves out rather than take the initiative in solving them. They are more readily concerned with the problems of others than with their own."

Prior to the astrological shift, both Tyrell and Tyshawn were averaging around 9 points per game, but at Iowa State they combined for 5 points, however Tyrell did see a 33% increase in assists.  Only Josh Selby’s point production remained constant, but he did not seem to be forcing shots as much, and allowed the opportunities to come to him.  Josh did look much more comfortable on the floor Wednesday night.

Certainly, this group will be much easier to coach, and we could see the defense pick up as well.  Hopefully, we will also see the patience on offense increase, with fewer contested threes early in the shot clock.  While Kansas currently ranks second in NCAA in assists with 18.8 per game, expect this number to skyrocket as the backcourt players adjust to their new personalities.  The lack of leadership at guard might seem alarming to some, but thankfully that the Morris twins have also just switched their Zodiak sign from Virgo:

"Virgo are practical with their hands, good technicians and have genuine inventive talents, Thoroughness, hard work and conscientiousness are their hallmarks, and they are such perfectionists that, if things go wrong, they are easily discouraged…With these qualities, they are better as subordinates than leaders. Responsibility irks them and they often lack the breadth of strategic vision that a leader needs Virgoans are essentially tacticians, admirable in the attainment of limited objectives."

to Leo:

"The Leo type is the most dominant, spontaneously creative and extrovert of all the zodiacal characters. In grandeur of manner, splendor of bearing and magnanimity of personality, they are the monarch’s among humans as the lion is king of beasts. They are ambitious, courageous, dominant, strong willed, positive, independent, self-confident there is no such a word as doubt in their vocabularies, and they are self-controlled. Born leaders, they are at their most effective when in a position of command, their personal magnetism and innate courtesy of mind bringing out the best of loyalty from subordinates. They are uncomplicated, knowing exactly what they want and using all their energies, creativeness and resolution to get it, as well as being certain that they will get whatever they are after. Their followers know where they are with Leonians. Leonians think and act bigger than others would normally dare; the ambitiousness of their schemes and idealism sometimes daunt their followers, their practical hardheadedness and ability to go straight to the heart of any problem reassures those who depend on them. If Leonians meet with setbacks they thrive on the adversity."

While both Morrii had terrific games, Marcus seems to have more readily embraced his new personality, and become the uncontested alpha-dog on the court.  (The elbow incident against Cal was obviously just a byproduct of a Virgo’s discouragement.)  With career highs in both scoring (33) and rebounds (13), Marcus had his best game ever as a Jayhawk.  Markieff, also, surpassed his averages with 17 points and 11 boards, marking only the third time that the twins have had concurrent double-doubles, and Keef seemed exceptionally comfortable with his second-in-command role.

A big thanks should go out to the unfortunately named astronomer, Parke Kunkle, from the Jayhawk Nation for his tireless efforts to get the stars aligned for this year’s team.  The Jayhawks have struggled at times, with Marcus being the presumed leader of the team, but not seeming at ease with the role.  Now that his and Markeiff’s leadership have been defined as an astrological certainty, we can look forward to great things from this team as the season progresses.  As for me, my sign didn’t change; my sign is and has always been Neon.

Update:

I’m surprised no one has called me out on my misspelling of ‘Zodiac’ thus far (which I corrected with this update).  I guess that shows how well informed we all are in the “science” of astrology.  I had wanted to include Thomas Robinson and Elijah Johnson in this assessment, but their birthdays were cryptically missing from all of the online sources I could find.  TRob just got back to me, he was born on March 17, 1991 (with the St. Patrick’s Day exception, he will be 21 this year.)  According to the zodiac, TRob will have none of those hefty psychiatrist bills generally associated with shifting personalities, and will remain a Pisces. Still no word on Elijah’s birthday- it seems that he himself erased it from Facebook- which leads me to believe he is an Ophiuchus, and just too embarrassed to admit it.

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